I'm still surprised at the power of invisible feelings. Like awkwardness. It's not really something that can be felt with any of the five senses directly, but I've started noticing more situations where it is totally palpable, hanging in a room or in a space between people. I used to think it was purely in my head: You are imagining the situation to be awkward, Maria. YOU. If you just chilled the fuck out it'd be fine; poof, no awkward. I've since realized that the reality is a little more nuanced. I've learned this from situations into which I have strode, confident and relaxed, only to be assaulted by a wave of awkward, from out of nowhere. Before I've even said anything, some kind of carnal communication rooted in the base of my biological being has passed between me and the other person, and it has said, "This shit is going to be awkward now."

Another similarly invisible sensation is the one between photographer and subject. We all have those acquaintances who just KNOW when you've got a camera pointed at them, whether it's from across the room, out the window, whatever. You try and take a candid shot and up/over they look, into the camera. Making faces. Fucking everything up...

I bring this up because I saw these guys early in the airport one day in October, and I thought for a while about whether I was actually going to take their picture. I knew they'd wake up when I did, and I was trying to figure out if that moment would be after I'd already taken the picture, or if merely pointing the camera would be enough and one or more of these dudes would open their eyes from uneasy airport slumber to see someone seven feet away pointing a camera at them...



I clicked the shutter, dropped my camera back to hip-level, and had a second or so to move away and pretend to do something else before the first guy woke up.

On the other hand, I haven't observed this same issue with people with camera phones. Somehow the knowledge that you don't have to stand and fiddle with aperture and focus, and the absence of that loud snap of a mechanical shutter... maybe it makes those photographers more relaxed.

...So maybe it is just me then, standing in airports or on street corners or at room edges, nervously thinking about shutter speed and lighting and composition, emanating invisible rays that scream I AM TAKING YOUR PICTURE IT SHOULD FREAK YOU OUT BECAUSE I AM BEING WEIRD ABOUT IT.

Life. Life is for getting better at these things.






Next up are the photos from Kiev. I loved Kiev. I'm excited to have finally gotten around to putting those photos up here. Some initial photos, with more on the way: